April 14 Hitting New Lows

“You’ve never been to this place before,” the nurse said to me today.  The “place” she was referring to is the level of destruction of my body from the cumulative effects of all the HYPER-CVAD chemo, and this last round.

I was confused and scared when I looked at the blood analysis today.  I have looked at these CBC (Complete Blood Count) printouts hundreds of times.  I never saw all the counts so low as this.  Previously after leaving hospital, there would be a few days of “low” blood counts, but nothing like THIS low.  And, usually my bone marrow started creating new red, white, and platelet blood cells or at least one of the three pretty soon after hospital.

Scrap all plans for the weekend.  I was so much looking forward to the Trinity Art Fair and participating in it.  But now, absolutely no getting into a room with a bunch of people  in an enclosed space!  Too dangerous.

Tomorrow I go back to hospital for yet more red blood transfusion and possibly platelets as well.  If platelets, this will be the first time since I started chemo that I would need a platelet transfusion.

It is hard at times like this to “believe in” the chemotherapy regimen.  It seems so brute force, so deadly.  (See my blog from yesterday about Racing to a Cure).

The best I can say from this vantage point is that if I live through this I will have a far, far greater appreciation for the beauty and power  and sacredness of the human body than I ever had before.  So much we take for granted!  for example, making enough of the right kinds of blood cells, without even thinking!

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